On today’s episode, I celebrate my 56th birthday by reflecting on life lessons and what feeling younger while going older means to me on this day.
I love using my birthday to transport myself back to my younger self with curiosity and insights. On today’s episode, I share about my hometown and childhood, and my gypsy soul. I recently went back to visit my mom and it brought up some painful memories and storylines that I’ve always had about feeling different from my family.
I’ve been thinking about my own grandmother recently as I prepare to become one myself and the significant role grandparents play.
I also share a few of my parenting insights.
Listen in to hear my birthday reflections and please let me know if you’d like a part two to this episode.
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[00:00:00] Dana Frost: Welcome to Vitally You, a podcast created to introduce you to the tools that will be your roadmap for feeling younger while growing older. I'm your host, Dana Frost, a wellness expert, life coach and energy medicine practitioner. Here's what you can expect: conversations about vitality from the inside out with guests experts in the field of health, culture, and spirituality.
[00:00:24] And solo episodes along the way from me, where I do deep dives into the topics of aging, heart intelligence, energy medicine, and your innate capacity to heal. If you want to feel younger while growing older, this is the place for you.
[00:00:41] Welcome to the vitally U podcast. Everybody I'm Dana frost, your. And guess what today is my birthday. This is my birthday episode. It will be posted on my actual 56th birthday. I am coming to you solo in honor of my birthday, because well, I want to so welcome and thank you for spending time with me. I ask you to share your questions and conversations that you'd like to have with me.
[00:01:07] And I received these two requests, which I'll share in today's episode. So the first one. What does feeling younger while growing older mean to me, especially on your birthday. And is it different today than it was a year ago? The second question is what do you know? Because you know, you know, in your bones, you know, to be true, the things I know.
[00:01:31] I take that question to mean something like, what would I say to my younger self? A question I think about often because I have an older daughter, I have five children and my older daughter is in her final two months of pregnancy and all five are in the working world, an established in full-fledged adult life.
[00:01:52] So I do take myself back to my younger self with curiosity and insight. So you can expect me to talk about these queries in today's episode. But first I want to start where I was last week as I was preparing and thinking about today's episode. I was visiting my mom in St. Joseph, Missouri, where I was born and raised, hello, the ShowMe state and whatever our stories are.
[00:02:21] We never stop wanting the involvement and care of our mothers. And I am no exception to this. I left my hometown to go to college and I vowed to never return. And I never did. Except for visit. In hindsight, I'll tell you my evaluation of my hometown was totally unfair and I have come to appreciate and love my upbringing.
[00:02:45] I think I've shared before that even as a child, I knew I would be traveling the world. The vision was simply in my heart and mind as a child, my family never took me beyond the Midwest, but our camping and voting game was super clutch. In high school. I had the opportunity to see the ocean with a friend's family, shout out to the Rosenthals and I knew the ocean was my.
[00:03:12] I already love the water because my dad had us on the water all the time. And also in high school, through the organization of young life, I was able to go to the mountains of Colorado, North Carolina, and even a small private island off the coast of Vancouver. So I started traveling around in high school.
[00:03:31] My gypsy heart. It took me far from my family and I already felt other than or different. My husband calls me Matilda if you know, the Roal doll reference. So I will tell you this distance was the dynamic between myself and my family. And I am quite aware that I contributed to it, but I don't always like how it plays.
[00:03:56] You probably know also that I lived abroad for 10 years with my own family. That is the family I created with my husband and my parents never really traveled to visit. They definitely didn't travel abroad to visit. So we had this. Dynamic of a long distance relationship with them. And I will say they were amazing.
[00:04:19] They are, my dad is no longer alive, but they were amazing grandparents to my children at a distance and really incredible with their other grandson. They literally attended every sports event and they were very present and involved. They have huge loving hearts. I hope I can just be. Embodied their love and generosity in just a very small percent.
[00:04:42] But I have to say that my kids never really had an intimate relationship with their grandparents. I had it with my grandmother, my grandma, Gladys, and that relationship, I will tell you, it continues to fuel me as a person, even though she transitioned when I was in college. Do not let death be a reason to not be present with someone who you care about.
[00:05:08] That's a little, a little side note. One thing that my grandmother Gladys taught me is that the grandparent grandchild relationship can be a potent container for love. And one of my greatest regrets for my own children is that they never had that grandparent intimacy. Okay. So let's go back to last week.
[00:05:29] my dad died in 2017 and soon I will say days, if not within 24 hours after he passed my mom declared that she was not going to start traveling and asked me to not expect that of her. So message received. I have truly honored that with no judgment, but it does require me to be the person who maintains the connection in person with visits to her.
[00:05:57] And so I do that. I try to do it as best as I can. So last week while I was visiting my mom, something happened that really disappointed me, and it could sound trivial unless, you know, the history of our relat. Which I just shared that distance dynamic. So I had a life wave event in my hometown and I invited her to join us.
[00:06:21] I told her about it before I arrived. We were arranging who we were gonna have dinner with and what our schedule was gonna be. And in my thinking, I was envisioning her coming with me. You know what? Sometimes the little things really slap us in the face and this one got me and I was really hurt because she decided not to come not to join me.
[00:06:43] And you know what it did. It brought up that old story that I don't fit with my family. She stayed home to make dinner for my brother who lives with her. And you know what I'm thinking and where I'm going with this. You do don't you, they literally live together. They are together all the time. I come in at least twice a year.
[00:07:04] If we are lucky three times a year in my framework, in my state of mind, making a meatloaf for him was not a priority spending time with me. Who you only see once a year was their priority. I was just thinking, give me a break seriously. So I took myself and just rested under a tree, grounded myself, and I had to process all this.
[00:07:29] And I can look at this with my head and justify her and understand the whole situation. But I'll tell you in the moment, my wise inner teacher, Dana, you need to stay with the raw feelings. Don't bypass. What's really happening in your heart. You have to feel it to heal it. Oh, I felt it anger, disappointment.
[00:07:51] The old storyline, I don't fit I'm different and you know what? That storyline, it has a lot of truth to it, but so do my feeling. We all want a mom to be present regardless of our history, regardless of our age, regardless, regardless, regardless. And where I'm going with this is that I felt raw and vulnerable as I was preparing for this episode, this episode right now, as I'm speaking.
[00:08:19] And I want you to know this because this is real life. Our relationships are imperfect. We get hurt. We hurt others. We don't always feel like showing up for others. There are times we need to mother ourselves, but whatever we are feeling, we need to allow it not wallow in it, but be honest about it.
[00:08:43] Oftentimes when we've done a lot of healing work, we can easily bypass over hurt and justify the other person's behavior, which is what I. Almost ready to do and bypass our true feelings because we understand the dynamic from our mind's eye. This was my case with my mom. Having no expectations of her really has set me free from pain, but sometimes we actually need to accept the pain and accept the reality of the brokenness.
[00:09:17] We wish wasn't present in our relat. So that's my first offering to you on today. My birthday episode. Okay. I'm gonna save the question about feeling younger while growing older for the end of the episode. So let's talk about the things I know to be true in my bones. And I'll tell you, I watched my oldest daughter move through her pregnancy and my whole motherhood journey flashes before me.
[00:09:48] It's been a ride. And if I had to lean into one piece of advice, it would be this, are you ready? Drum roll. I wish I could make sounds with my mouth, but I can't. Okay. This is it. Relax and enjoy the journey, relax and enjoy the journey. Don't sweat the small stuff, because most of it is small stuff, even though it doesn't feel like small stuff at the.
[00:10:16] Yeah, we've we, we have the big things. I've been through some big things, but you've got to keep your mind and your thoughts situated towards positivity, not fake happiness. No, but lean towards this all will be well, even if it's not even if it doesn't feel well in the moment, remind yourself when you're on the struggle bus and you will be that this too shall pass.
[00:10:45] I will tell you, my husband is a genius in this realm of positivity and it's not fake positivity, but he has buoyed us in harder times. This advice can be applied to anything it's not just parenting. So don't tune out if you're not a parent, because this situating your thoughts towards positivity and trusting in your bones all will be well.
[00:11:10] Even if it's not in the moment, it can carry you through the darkness, into the light. And let me say that as a family, we have gone through. A lot more than I'm willing to share with you. You know, why? Because not everything that happens inside your intimate relationships or my intimate relationships is for sharing.
[00:11:32] And that doesn't mean that I'm not vulnerable or transparent. I am transparent with a few select people who have earned my truth and can be a container of sacred space in my life. This leads me to the next thing I know we need each other. We cannot do life alone. We need intimate friends and family. We trust with our truth.
[00:11:55] And I will tell you at some point in your life, you will need professional. Life is just that hard. At times, the circumstances get wound up, twisted around, flipped inside, out and upside down. And you won't know where in the hell you are. And when this happens, I want you to pause. And I want you to remember what I said earlier this too, shall pass and breathe and be gentle with yourself even, even, even, even more so, if you are the offender and you can trust me, I have been the offender and it's painful to be on either side.
[00:12:40] Do not PA go do not go to jail immediately. Seek professional and spiritual. When seeking professional help ask around, get references. Not all professionals are equal, just like not all coaches are equal. Not all teachers are equal. You need to find someone who is a real pro in the arena in which you need perspective.
[00:13:03] I will also say I suffered longer. The times I waited to seek professional help. You can trust me on this. Okay. So I'd love to make a parenting comment for the parents out there. This is a big one. People. This is a big one. Don't exaggerate your little one's abilities. I call this, propping them up on unearned accolades.
[00:13:26] This is the everyone gets a trophy movement and I'm gonna be totally politically incorrect on this episode. And it's my birthday. So I get to guess what everybody doesn't get a trophy in life. That's not true. Not everyone wins. There are winners and losers and are meager efforts at standardizing rewards is silliness.
[00:13:46] It has unintended consequences, like anxiety and depression. When your little ones learn, there are people who are more adept at certain tasks. They don't equally earn a trophy unless they have actually earned it. And this is a sucky, but truthful part of life. some people who aren't as talented as you, and aren't as smart as you actually are chosen and earn more money.
[00:14:08] You need to get over it and get over being a victim because of it. This is the hard things I'm saying, and it's not gonna go over well with everybody, but you need to get over the inequalities. There are inequalities. This is we're humans. We're imper. , but I will also say don't please. Don't tiger mom. The shit out of your children either and demand hypervigilant competition.
[00:14:31] These extremes are so. Harmful. They're not helpful. This is what you need to do. And I've said this before, love them, spend time with them by all means, cheer them on, but don't use your resources to prompt them up. I saw this and it was. Just, I don't know. It was so interesting to watch families spend tens of thousands of dollars to prop their kids up for college admission.
[00:14:59] I just, from a values perspective, I just think that's wrong because your kids are not gonna have your money propping up their test taking when they're in college anyway. Okay. This is the deal you need to allow your kids to feel the weight of their strengths and their weaknesses. We can't build upon our weaknesses, if we're never allowed to feel them, our boundaries, the boundaries that tell us where we're strong and where we're weak, provide the necessary information about how hard we need to work and where we need to grow.
[00:15:31] Oh people, this is a soap box for me, I guess, after raising five kids, I'm gonna own that PhD in parenting. Okay. I'll move on from parenting. I'll share one more thing that I know. Are you ready for the last thing? I know that I'm going to share the last thing that I know. Okay. This is it. Trust your wise inner teacher.
[00:15:51] Get to know her intimately, listen to her still quiet voice. She will speak to you through what you might think is the voice of God. And while we are one with God in spirit, so ultimately it is the same voice she will speak to you through your body. Years ago, my life coach teacher, Dr. Martha Beck taught me this was called the body.
[00:16:12] Your physical body is how your soul has its being on this earth plane. And your wise inner teacher will use the vehicle of your body to get your attention. Hello, my health crisis. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but when it happens, it's a wake up call and this was true for me in 2011, my life literally burned the electrical conduction of my heart out and O.
[00:16:36] Yes, I was blowing and going on hyper speed, having three kids adopting to moving to different continents, entertaining, trying to learn and expand myself all really good pursuits. But my body said, Hmm, tap you on the shoulder. I'm tired. Oops. I can't keep up. Please slow down. Okay. You're not listening. So I'm gonna slow your heart rate down so much that it barely beats for you.
[00:17:01] And you're gonna start skipping beats in life. So guess what? Your heart must skip beats because your body, soul and mind are designed to be cohesive, synchronized, and harmonized. If you're gonna skip the beats, we need to really get your attention. You know why, if one instrument of the orchestra is out of sync, we are all out of sync.
[00:17:23] The whole orchestra is out of sync. So please slow down. This is what my body was saying. Now, slow down, not only will your body speak to you, your souls wise, inner teachers speak to you through your body. It will speak to you through your feelings, feelings. Aren't. They're not designed to torture you. No, no way.
[00:17:44] Your feelings are a window to your soul. See them be curious about them. Tend to them, understand them, metabolize them. If you followed me for any amount of time, you know, I'm a practitioner and fan of heart math heart provides a framework for understanding your emotional compass, how to neutralize triggering emotions and how to reset your default.
[00:18:08] If your emotional compass is set towards de. This happens when we squash and bury our emotional experiences. But even if we bury them, they can be found in our heart rate, variability, our breath and our tissues. If you wanna know more about this, you're gonna need to contact me. So your wise inner teacher uses all means necessary to get your attention, but she's not rude.
[00:18:33] Actually. She's very considerate and patient. She will remain silent if ignored until you create the space for her voice. And our modern world of messages coming at us from all angles noise, 24 7, make quiet time a priority. I can promise you that your wise inner teacher will step forward when you get quiet and silence distractions.
[00:18:58] The focus feature on my iPhone is my new best friend slip into focus mode. Quiet your mind. Open your heart and ears. and your wise inner teacher will step forward. When you feel confused, afraid, or curious place, one hand on your heart. One hand on your belly tune into your wise inner teacher and simply ask, what do I need at this moment?
[00:19:26] And what's my next best step. So tell me, how is all this settling in for you? I would love to hear from you. Would you like part two? What was your favorite little piece of advice that I know, because I know if you'd like to hear me share more, let me know. I am tuned in and I am in service to you. So the final question, drum roll.
[00:19:50] E. Are you ready? What does feeling younger while growing older mean to you, especially on your birthday and is it different today than it was a year ago? Okay. Today on my birthday, feeling younger while growing older feels like settling into my bones and knowing all as well, I am equipped for whatever crosses my path, the beauty of the lifelong.
[00:20:16] Rollers mountaintop moments is that you have this library of experiences that assure you, you will get through it feeling younger while growing older feels like an experience feels like wisdom only gained through running a marathon. It feels like satisfaction in my primary relationship with my life partner.
[00:20:40] Here's a little, not so secret secret. If you follow the traditional path of getting married, having kids and staying married. And that's not the path for everyone, but it's been my path. Eventually you get back to where you started. So if you aren't settled where you started, which is you and a partner, or if you haven't done the relationship work through the years, when you get here, where I am, where the kids have full in the coop, they're living their own lives.
[00:21:10] When it comes back to, um, me, babe. Shit will hit the fan and all the misery from the years will descend upon you. If you haven't done your work, so do your work so that at this stage, you can sit back and enjoy the ride. My vitally you community. Thank you. Thank you for joining me on the vitally you podcast, especially for today's birthday episode.
[00:21:38] Do me a grand birthday favor. Subscribe, download and leave a much beloved review help. My little podcast vitally you rise above the podcast traffic jam until next week. I am streaming love from my heart to yours.