Healing your inner child is vitally important work. We spend our childhood imprinting all of our experiences into the fabric of our physical tissues, our mental landscape and our spiritual perceptions, which all have major impacts on our adult lives. Today, I dive into why child integration work is crucial to feeling younger while growing older and share a practice that I’ve found very helpful for tuning into my inner child.
Healing your inner child is vitally important work. We spend our childhood imprinting all of our experiences into the fabric of our physical tissues, our mental landscape and our spiritual perceptions. Our childhood experiences can create self-protective patterns, which manifest as roadblocks later in life that can impact relationships, career, success, decision making, ability and even our health.
Today, I dive into why child integration work is crucial to feeling younger while growing older. I share how being the only daughter, granddaughter and niece on both sides of my family affected my upbringing. Part of my journey to healing my inner child started when I became curious about my fear of public speaking and uncovered a very deep-rooted childhood memory that triggered that phobia.
As adults, we can make peace with our past, acknowledge and take care of those little versions of us. I break down a daily ritual practice that you can use to give your inner child some love and attention. I also get into how this work can help you bring coherence to your emotional and mental rewiring. Listen in to discover more about how to integrate your inner child into your adult life.
Email Dana at dana@danafrost.com and let her know your experience with your inner child.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, TuneIn, or on your favorite podcast platform.
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[00:00:00] Dana Frost: Welcome to Vitally You, a podcast created to introduce you to the tools that will be your roadmap for feeling younger while growing older. I'm your host, Dana Frost, a wellness expert, life coach and energy medicine practitioner. Here's what you can expect: conversations about vitality from the inside out with guests experts in the field of health, culture, and spirituality.
[00:00:33] And solo episodes along the way from me, where I do deep dives into the topics of aging, heart intelligence, energy medicine, and your innate capacity to heal. If you want to feel younger while growing older, this is the place for you.
[00:00:52] Hi everyone. This is Dana and I'm coming to you solo this week to talk about the child inside of you. She's there. You might feel decades of distance from her, but give her your ear and she'll swim to the surface of your consciousness. By the end of this week's podcast, I hope you can identify one aspect of your child self that is seeking to be integrated.
[00:01:15] And that you'll be curious about the integration process I share and perhaps be willing to play with it in your own life. Now you might ask, what does this have to do with feeling younger while growing older? It's been decades since I was a child. Why do I need to return to childhood? Honestly, it has everything to do with feeling younger while growing older and at the end of today's podcast, I'll share one more reason while child integration work is vitally important.
[00:01:45] Through daily life, your child received imprinting or wiring about where and how she fits in the world. The imprinting touches on how she feels safe and cared for her fears and dreams rules that are her guard, rails, pleasures, dislikes, risk-taking capacity, a whole host of parameters for how she impacts your life.
[00:02:13] The imprint impacts every arena of your life, regardless of your awareness, my child, your child was a sponge. We spent our childhood imprinting, all of our experiences into the fabric of our physical tissues, our mental landscape and our spiritual perception. As children, we were simply receiving and giving without conscious narratives or judgments, very different from how we are as adults, as animals.
[00:02:50] We were primarily sensorial in nature. This childlike essence. Something felt good or bad. And we responded with the emotions now, depending upon the familiar or cultural norms of the expression of emotions, meaning where they allowed or not, where they interpreted as good or bad validated or judged. So we all grew up in different homes and there were different rules of engagement in a healthy home where kids are allowed to self express when hurt the adults comfort and acknowledge.
[00:03:27] And some homes, children are not allowed to self express unless the emotions are deemed positive. This was my husband's experience in other homes, the extremes of validity and passivity render a child emotionally immature, and that child grows up emotionally. These are just a few of the options. Now you might be tempted to believe or live under the false sense of security that because you had none of the major traumas that you are not impacted by this idea of trauma, major traumas.
[00:04:01] I think of divorce, sexual trauma, extreme bullying, death of a parent serious accident. I know there are more, and this isn't an exhaustive list. You might think that wasn't me, my child was okay and I don't need to revisit. Well, this is where I'm going to challenge you to give your child a more serious gaze, because we all have what I consider microtraumas.
[00:04:27] Now, let me give you a few examples. I was the only daughter and granddaughter and niece on both sides of my family. All eyes were on my little. I was very much loved. I was also very much so shy when I was five. My mom put me in a local contest called I want you to get this little miss east Hills, not east Hills.
[00:04:52] That was their shopping mall. I don't know the point of the contest. What I know is we got dressed up paraded across the stage, and we were asked questions. I imagine my little girl was mortified. You see, I didn't have a choice of participation. Right? My mom signed me up, dressed me up and off. We went on a Saturday morning.
[00:05:11] I have no memory of this contest, except through the stories told by my family, which goes like this. My mom had gone to the nicest children's clothing store in St. Joseph, Missouri, little, Mr. And miss. She took pride in buying all my clothes there. And I have to say I'm certain that I was dressed to the nines walking across that stage when told the story.
[00:05:35] All I felt as a child was terror. I don't have any memories. Right. So I'm paraded across the stage and ask, where did you get your pretty outfit and shoes? Something like that. Now, according to my mom, I shyly responded Kmart and I think if I have the story, right, I started crying. Well, Kmart's not exactly what my mom was going for and it certainly wasn't little, Mr.
[00:06:00] And Ms. Worthy, I did not become little miss east Hills that Saturday morning, but I did hear that story for years afterwards, shy little Dana proclaiming her mom shopped at Kmart. Remember, I didn't have a conscious memory of this event. Only the story told by my family, but what I can tell you, I grew up.
[00:06:22] Absolutely horrified of public speaking. And I mean, at that age, public speaking is just in front of your classroom. I mean, I was, I had a real fear of this deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing and you know, children, aren't born with a fear of public speaking. This isn't in the DNA. It's imprinted through experiences years later, when I became curious about my own fear of public speaking, I mean, seriously, it thought crippling this event came to my conscious mind and I held space for that little five-year old.
[00:06:58] And I cleared the. Okay. So let me give you another example. This is from my husband's life. I had been married for 30 years. It will be 32 this April. So this is just a few years ago. I think that this was during the pandemic that I learned this. I learned that my husband, who I knew moved a lot, but I didn't know that he had changed elementary school four times when he arrived in the fourth grade.
[00:07:26] I have to tell you I was shocked. As I said, I knew he moved a lot, but I had no idea how often during school, he moved at such a young age. I knew that his family were there. Multiple moves with pride. They are a resilient and achievement oriented clan during one early elementary year move. It was his birthday.
[00:07:48] Here's your cake blow out the candles we're out of here. No meaningful slowdown to celebrate a birthday, little time for processing feeling, acknowledging how he felt about the move brave face on and forward March. Did I mention that he was raised by a decorated Marine? Now let me be clear. There's no reason to judge by parents do what they do.
[00:08:10] I firmly believe all parents do the best job they are equipped to do. As adults, we can make peace with our past acknowledge and take care of those little child aspects. And this is why we're having this conversation today. These microtraumas in print themselves into our lives, and then we engage with the world according to.
[00:08:37] You know, it would have been easy for me to stay hidden throughout my life, based on my early imprinting of being fearful of saying the wrong thing or disappointing my family publicly. And I will say my husband and I would eventually bump into each other based on both of our imprinting, but those bumps are opportunities.
[00:08:58] It's our choice to clear childhood imprinting. Or settle into undesirable and dysfunctional marriage patterns or divorce. You know, we have a choice. We all have a choice. At some point as adults, our childhood patterns we'll present consciously or unconsciously. We can blame our parents and settle into being the victim, or we can follow our curiosities and clear patterns that cause static in living successfully in relationships and in our careers.
[00:09:30] I really do believe that this is the reason for so many challenges and relationships today. So I want to back up and create a framework as children. We don't have the understanding that these experience were little traumas. Remember we're animals and we're responding from a sensorial position. We're not in our heads so much.
[00:09:55] So what happens is that our ego does a really good job of self protection. Yay, ego. It gets such a bad rap, but really it truly serves our little child. And then later in life, these built in self-protective patterns that served us for decades resurface as roadblocks. They impact relationships, career success, decision-making ability, and even our.
[00:10:22] And here's what I want you to know. If you have ever found yourself up against one of these roadblocks, you are on sacred ground. I'm going to repeat that. If you have ever found yourself up against one of these roadblocks, you are on sacred ground, although you might feel afraid. Please don't become overcome by fear.
[00:10:48] You are not the fear. Don't allow the fear to come in. Dear your future. Rather embrace the invitation to integrate the child with in. I promise you, this is not insurmountable work. Quite the contrary. Your inner child actually wants to be integrated into your adult life. She will cooperate given the space.
[00:11:14] A friendly ear, a soft shoulder and understanding whatever she went through when she was little, her soul was equipped to move through it. Now is the time to dedicate a daily ritual and give your little girl some love and attention. If you have access to a few childhood photos, maybe three, there's nothing magical about the number three.
[00:11:41] You could choose one or five, but I want you to keep it simple. The photos are simply reminders of your child and you don't even need the photos to do the ritual. So don't let that be a hurdle. I want you to gather your photos or just gather her image in your mind. And I want you to set aside three to five minutes.
[00:12:03] A day. And let's say for, you know, I would say no less than a month, you could do it less for a month, but I think once you get into it, I think one month is a really good amount of time to dive into this practice set aside three to five minutes a day. I want you to gaze into the eyes of your little girl and remember her at different states.
[00:12:26] Okay, set your timer. Turn your notifications off. Turn on your focus on your phone. If you have an iPhone, this is what you're going to need. You're going to need an open heart. You're going to need your imagination and you're going to need memories. They're going to come from your little child. You're going to gather your inner tribe.
[00:12:48] Your tribe is you. This is your adult. It's you today. It's your child. The mommy archetype, the daddy archetype and your spiritual tribe. That might be the holy spirit. Jesus Sophia mother, Mary angel, spirit guides, mama Gaya, your spiritual tribe. This is your healing circle. You're going to be present. You are going to show up with the sweetest version of all these people holding space with your child.
[00:13:23] You might want to put your hand on your heart, one hand on your heart. And one hand on your belly, your adult eyes are going to be gazing into the eyes of your little girl. You simply start with, what do you need today? Is there a memory that you want to bring forth? And you wait, you listen, you sense? And you feel.
[00:13:50] You might ask her, what are you feeling? You be really present with what comes forward. Don't filter it, just acknowledge it and be present. You might say we are here for you. We are sorry for your suffering. We see you stay present. Visualize a specific place inside your very real. Because this is the collaboration of your mind, your body and your soul.
[00:14:23] Personally, I visualize this tribe gathering in my belly and we're in a circle mother and my arms are holding my child. I want to share something super personal that I discovered during one of these holding sessions. This is what happened. I couldn't call forth the dad. Literally it was blank. I couldn't bring forth the dad, the space was empty.
[00:14:50] No one was showing up. I was confounded and I decided to be curious about it. I decided I'm not going to freak out. I'm not going to over-focus. I just remained there in the circle. Curious and I asked my child and my guides to reveal what the absence was all about. This was a moment for me. I sat with my little girl and she acknowledged a masculine void.
[00:15:17] Let me preface this by saying, I always felt loved by my dad, but he lived under his own insecurities and that led him down his own dark. I grew up with only my dad as a significant male figure in my life. And there were times I'll admit he didn't feel safe to me. He had a temper, there were times he totally loved me when he always told me he loved me, but there were times when he felt really unsafe to me.
[00:15:44] And I didn't feel safe with my brother and my grandfathers died before my memory of. So adult Dina had a gaping masculine hole in her life until she married her husband. And I entered my marriage like this. Honestly, I knew I didn't understand masculine energies. And in hindsight it became clear to me that I felt uncomfortable around masculine energy.
[00:16:08] I just never understood why. It's fascinating, right? No need to judge anyone or become a victim over this. Honestly, there was just this curiosity and this acknowledgement. Now I had a few tears over this realization and I shared it with my husband. We've done a lot of work together, so he didn't try to fix it.
[00:16:28] He hugged me, asked me how he felt. He acknowledged it. We knew there was nothing to be fixed. It was really just acknowledging. So going back to this process, it's really simple. You create a daily ritual, three to five minutes, gather your healing tribe and give your child the microphone. Come with open hearts, soft shoulders, perky ears, and ask what your child would like to bring forth people.
[00:16:58] This is holy restoration, totally restoration. We are walking on sacred ground. And we are nearing the end of our episode. And I want to circle back to why this work is vitally important when it comes to feeling younger while growing older things happen around midlife, I'm just here to tell you, wow. Do they ever happen?
[00:17:23] The body starts breaking down. DNA catches up with lifestyle and stress dis-ease becomes diseased. And we go to the doctor who thinks we need medicine because that's their hustle. We take them as medicine. It works for a while. Our symptoms return, we cycle around the same symptoms and never pull up a route.
[00:17:47] Here's what I believe the root is found in our imprinting. It's found through our child. Yes, the patterns get woven into the tissues and you'll have to figure that out. But you have to integrate the child. You, you gotta, when I say that, you've got to figure out the physical stuff and you can get that out of your tissues, but you can't ignore that, but you really have to integrate the child because she's the key to release of the emotional and mental wiring.
[00:18:20] She's going to help you rewire and bring coherence to your emotional and mental wiring. So was this a wild ride? Have I perked your curiosity, are you down for holy restoration of your child? I want to hear from you, please. Let me know your thoughts about this episode. What has your experience been with your child?
[00:18:47] Is this a new concept?
[00:18:52] I want to thank you for joining me on the vitally you podcast. If you're enjoying these conversations. Please hit subscribe and download, spread the love with a review and share it with your friends. This really helps me rise above the noise of podcasting. And I want to share with you. One of my reviews.
[00:19:15] This is from live freely. Oh three. Dana is truly an incredible human being that anyone can admire. No matter your background, age, or experiences, she has so much to share about what it takes and looks like to be truly a good human being. Wow. Thank you. Live freely. Oh three. Thank you, Dana for your time and presence in this world.
[00:19:35] Thank you so much. Live freely. That was really tough. So, this is what I do. I select one reviewer each month to win a sleeve of Ian patches. Life waves. Ian anti-inflammatory patches is a systemic anti-inflammatory patch that moves the nervous system from fight and fight to rest and heal. You can experience the power of the patch on your journey of feeling younger while growing older, to be entered to win.
[00:20:01] Leave a review, screenshot your review and send it to dana@danafrost.com. Or pop it into a direct message on Instagram at Dana frost vitally you don't miss an episode of Vitaliy. You be sure to subscribe and sign up for my newsletter on my website or Instagram link tree until next time streaming love from my heart to yours. .